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If Your Heart's Not In It

story written by JSSF


was looking at me in a kind of way which he did when he had something really important to say. This really worried me, so when he said what he said, I was so releived, happy, overwhelmed and more than anything happy. I was happy for the first time in ages. He looked at me and said, " , you are the most important thing in my life at this moment in time..." he paused. He was so nervous, I didn't know what he was going to say. He carried on, "The three years I've been with you have been the best and I've had so much fun with you, I want to keep you forever and I was wondering...if, well...if you would... will you marry me?" I was so delighted. I burst into tears. I said yes of course. I really love him, but I've never found the right moment to tell him how I feel. Now I didn't need to say it. My answer spoke for me, I wanted to marry him of course I loved him.

When we left the resturaunt, we headed straight for 's place, it was closer to the restaurant and had practically been my home for the last three years. The car was filled with the smell of excitement. We never said a word all the way home, it was just an odd smile, wink or touch of the shoulder. We didn't have to speak, we knew what we were thinking. As we reached the middle of 's half a mile long driveway, he looked ahead at the house. "Oh shit, the front door's been done in, wait here while I go and see what's wrong..." Before I could shout him and tell him to stop, he ran away. Towards his house, he was always forgetting to lock the bottom lock on the door so I presumed he'd done it again. He'd locked me in the car so that I'd be safe, he always put everyone else first.

I put on the radio in his . The Irish charts were on, that night we had been out celebrating Westlife getting to number 5 the previous week with their first single 'If Your Heart's Not In It'. But when I turned the radio on was on the radio saying how great it was that they had climbed to number one. NUMBER ONE WITH THEIR FIRST SINGLE!!. This was excellent, I had to tell . But I couldn't get out of the car door, so I rolled down the back window and climbed out onto the driveway, I was so happy for him, he'd worked so hard for this all of his life he'd dreamed of it and now it was happening. I couldn't wait to be the one to tell him.

I got out of the car window but I grazed my knee on the path on the way out, it stung like mad and i was hobbling towards , still grinning because I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when I told him. He was running towards me shouting something, I couldn't make out what he was saying so I kept heading towards him. I was about six yards from him shouting, " you've done it, you're number one, NUMBER ONE!!" He smiled at me and ran towards me faster, but then out of the blue came a scabby old red car I screamed at him to move out of the way. He threw himself to the side and it missed him, but my knee was too sore, I couldn't move out of the way fast enough...

The pain was unbearable, I lay in the middle of the driveway unable to move barely breathing. There was a pain in my head which stabbed like a blade of ice deep inside my brain. was there, though I couldn't see him I could hear him crying telling me I'd be OK. Somehow, I got the strength to open my eyes for one more second just to tell him, tell him how I felt.

"I love you , don't forget me. As long as I'm in your heart you'll always be in mine..." I couldn't bare the pain any longer. All I could hear was the peircing sound of police sirens and ambulances and in the background, the introduction of 'If Your Heart's Not In It'. I grasped 's hand tightly, I gave into the pain and let go.