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Fool Again

by Shelly - shelly-lamb@dial.pipex.com

...Having helped WL on the path to stardom, Shelly falls for Mark. But the price of fame means they can't be together... Will it end in tragedy?

> > Part 1

It was 8.45am when Mrs Lowne entered morning registration 5 minutes late. As she walked into the room, she had to break up the usual banter, and stop the 'how many different rings my mobile has' choir. Registration was normally a doss period for the students, before they attended lessons it was vital they paid attention in, as their GCSEs were fast approaching. But this morning was different. This morning Mrs Lowne had something in her register that would interest all the students.
"The reason I'm late girls is because I've just been speaking to Mrs Doherty," a murmur broke out in the form and one girl shouted, 'What've we done now Miss?'-Mrs Doherty was the head of year.
"Actually it's nothing bad for a change 11L" she said proudly. Laughter spread about the room. "I have something here which should interest all of you" and she shook the piece of paper in a teasing way. She read, "Class of Summer '98-Work Experience'" The class soon turned into a zoo again, and Mrs Lowne was forced to raise her voice and shout, 'Be quiet 11L, do you want to know where you'll be working next week or not?" The class returned to silence and she started reading alphabetically through the register.
Lucie-Bracknell sports centre,
Jessica-Tiny Tots nursery in Arborfield,
Lindsey-Meridian TV,
Danni-Winnersh vets,
By this time Shelly who was sitting in the back row was beginning to get very nervous. She so wanted to go and work in a record company, but the school had told her that was impossible unless she had a good 'contact'. The only person she had was her uncle who she hardly knew. She'd asked him to do what he could but she feared nothing would come of it. Sitting there on that bright summer morning she was absolutely convinced she was going to end up in some shobby office making cups of coffee and photocoping things for lazy people. That's why she was so surprised. Her name was called next, Shelly-I have worked very hard Shelly, and I hope you appreciate it. You are very lucky in that I have been able to get you a week's work experience at RCA records in Dublin.
She lept up with her two best friends and screamed for joy, she was actually going to spend a whole week in a record company-who knew what talent she might spot! Everyone seemed really happy for her, as they all knew she wanted it so badly, but of course there were a few people who found it necessary to shout things like, 'spoilt brat' and 'how come she got what she wanted and I didn't' but Shelly didn't care. Her real friends were happy for her and that was all that mattered-she was on cloud nine.
I kept on playing and re-playing what happened this morning laying in bed but it still hadn't really sunk in. I couldn't believe how lucky I was-I rang my uncle to say thanx, but he said the school had arranged most of it. I didn't care anymore, all I cared was I was starting my dream job, a whole week, to 'test the water' as my teacher had later put it to see if I enjoy it and think it's right for me. I just knew it would be.
I arrived at RCA records at 8.53am-7 minutes before I was due, but I wanted to make a good start. The minute I walked in, I loved it-there was just something in the air and it felt like a second home. The people there were so nice and they got me working on some press folders, and spent hours showing me around everything. I was in awe thinking who had been here, when my boss who was guiding me mobile's rang. I walked to the other end of the room to give him some privacy, but I couldn't help hearing him say 'Louis'. No, I said to myself, there's no possible way this could be THE Louis, Boyzone Louis, no way. My boss put the phone down and said to me-"Shelly, have you ever heard of a man called Louis Walsh?" My jaw dropped open and I just stood there staring, forgetting he had asked a question. He just looked at me and then I realised I should be saying something, "Louis Walsh" I said shaking. "Uh yeah I've heard of Louis Walsh, I'm like Boyzone's biggest fan-were you just talking to him?"
"Yeah, you're into Boyzone?" he replied.
"Majorly, I've been a fan since the beginning-why'd you ask?"
"Well Louis reckons he's got this new band-possibly the new Boyzone-half are from Sligo, the other Dublin. He reckons every record company is gonna want them, and is bringing them in tomorrow for me to check out and see if I wanna sign them. They're called IOYOU, or something, I was wondering seeing as they're the same kinda band as Boyzone and would be aiming at your sort of age group, if you wanted to check them out with me, and see if they're worth it or not? I'd really value your opinion."
"Uhhhh" I stamered. "Uuuh yeah, thank you, I'd love to." And with that he smiled and walked out of the room, leaving me standing there in utter shock.

> >Part 2

"Shelly, do you wanna leave those press packs for a bit, I've just got a call from upstairs-you're needed to meet Louis and this new group." Said Joanne in her sweet voice.
I turned round and looked at her, and began to tremble with nerves.
"Are you okay Shelly?"
"Uh not really" I replied. She walked over and sat down next to me.
"You see the thing is" I began. "Well I'm like such a big BZ and I'm so nervous about meeting Louis, and with this new group, well it just sounds like a lot of pressure and I could help to make or break these guys." "Ah Shelly don't worry about it. Louis's no monster, and just think how proud you'll be if you think they are any good and they turn into the next big thing. You would have been one of the main ones to help them on their way. Now hurry on up there, and anyways I've heard they're really quite good looking!"
"Really?!" I replied with buckets of enthusiasm.
"Really. Could be your lucky day!"
"I hope so!" and with that I thanked Joanne and ran up the stairs faster than I'd ever ran before.
I paused quickly before knocking and sorted out my hair. Right, here goes I thought, I counted to three and knocked twice.
"Come in"
I carefully opened the door and walked into see 5 guys sitting in a line deadly serious as if they were in a court about to be convicted of a crime. To the left of me was my boss who smiled at me and then from another corner of the room came Louis Walsh. I just stood there not knowing what to say or do. Louis came over and offered me his hand saying,
"Nice to meet you Shelly." All I could say was,
"Yeah, umm, it's amazing to meet you Louis." while shaking his hand in a firm grip. All I could think of while holding that hand, was he was the man who had made Boyzone. Without him, my life wouldn't be the same, growing up without Boyzone would have been a disaster, I mean I could have got into 5ive! And now he was going to do the same again, with 5 new lads, and he wanted to know whether I thought they were any good or not! This was like such a dream come true!
Louis pointed towards a seat and handed me an IOYOU CD.
"I hear you're a bit of a Boyzone fan Shelly" he called as I went to sit down.
"Uuuhh, yeah, well bit is one hell of an understatement, I LOVE them!" I said with a massive grin, returning his.
"Well I've got to take my hat off to girls like you Shelly-you make Boyzone what they are today, and also what my bank balance is!" and we all started laughing.
"You've got great taste in music Shelly," I sat there loving the way he kept on using my name it felt so, so personal.Then he walked over to me, rested his hand on my shoulder and whispered,
"Which I why I want you to tell that young man over there to sign these lads on the spot." Then he winked and headed towards the door. He turned round just before he left and called,
"You'll be alright here won't you mate, I've just got a couple a calls to make" then he looked over at the 5 guys and said,
"Don't let me down," before leaving.
I turned to look at them and they looked just as nervous as me. I looked down at the IOYOU CD Louis had handed me, and then at the five guys staring at me, and couldn't help noticing they weren't the same people. I said, "Have you guys changed the line up since this CD, coz otherwise one of you's missing!" They chuckled, and the small brown haired one in the middle who I recognised off the CD cover said,
"Yeah, 3 of those guys of have gone, and these two," he said pointing to the two on his left, "Well Louis thought they were good singers, and kinda cute, although they're not my taste, so who are we to argue!" The other two pretended to be offended and started play fighting with one another. immediately it was obvious how well these guys got along, and also how sexy they were, espicially the one on the right hand side who hadn't said anything yet. If it was up to me I would have signed them there and then without even hearing their vocals. They looked like they had what it took to make it big, I glanced across at my boss, and something in his eyes told me he wasn't as sure as I was.

> >Part 3

"Right do you guys mind just quickly running through your names and ages starting from the left?"
Yes, I thought to myself, I'm finally gonna know what his name is.
"No probs, right I'm Mark Feehily and I'm 18 years of age," He finished with a nervous smile at me. I smiled back, and couldn't take my eyes off his, they were so blue you could get lost in them, he really was gorgeous,Shelly Feehily, yeah that sounded good. Oh my god, I thought to myself I can't believe I did that! I mean yeah he's gorgeous and all, but changing my name at this stage? God I'd got it bad! I noticed he had gone slightly red and turned away, jeez was it that obvious??? I must have had a really strange expression on my face because everyone was just staring at me,
"Um sorry what did you say?" I looked around the room.
"Nothing, you just went all weird-are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, sorry what's going on?" I sat up straight and tried my best not to look in Mark's direction as I feared I'd go beetroot red. "Guys could you sing us some accappella, have you got anything prepared?" "Yeah," said the one in the middle, who seemed to be the natural leader. It then dawned on me that I only knew Mark's name, I wasn't even listening to the others. I hope I don't get caught out, I thought to myself.
"We're do a bit of 'If Tomorrow never Comes'"
"Great, take it away then guys..."
"1,2,3, If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I love her, yet I try in everyway, to show her everyday that she's my only one, if my time on earth were true, and she must face this world without me, all the love I gave her in the past, is gonna be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes.' Mark sang it to me, and this time it was my turn to look away embarrassed.
"Wow guys, that was good, very good."
"Yeah that really was incredible," I joined in. Well it was, it truly was. I don't know much about music, but those harmonies were spot on and if they were nervous it didn't show. These guys had voices like angels with looks to match-they were gonna go far.
"I think we've seen enough, Shelly if you wanna join me out"
***bring bring*** ***bring bring***
"Sorry I'll just get rid of them quickly," replied my boss.
I rose from my chair and stood in the middle of the room not knowing what to do. One of the guys called me over.
The one in the middle whispered, "So what'd'ya really think?"
"You're great!" I whispered back!
"Do you truly mean that?? I mean do you think that other guy thinks so too??"
"I really think you're amazing, and if he doesn't," I said looking over the otherside of the room, "Then I'll sure do my best to convince him otherwise,"
"Thanks so much Shelly, I really appreciate it," the other guys nodded in obvious agreement and he squeezed my shoulder before I followed my boss calling me out of the room.

"So Shelly, I want some constructive criticism while they can't hear you." "Well umm, well to be honest I thought they were really good. They're voices blew me away and they're all really good looking. I'm not sure about the name IOYOU though."
"No, there's no way that name's staying," he sat there with his chin resting on his hand, obviously thinking very carefully.
"So what did you think of them?" I asked daringly.
"Yeah, yeah I think Louis might have something, so if they released a single would you buy it? It's just I remember you saying you wouldn't buy anything but Boyzone."
I was in a difficult decision. I had to say yes, they guys obviously wanted this so badly, but the true answer was no. If I wasn't here now I would have seen them as trying to take away Boyzone's title and probably would have slagged them no end. If I said yes, and all the Boyzone fans did hate them then the company would have lost loads of money all down to me. It was one hell of a dilemma.
"You see the thing is it could go either way. They could either end up with all of Boyzone's fans and become massive if they played it the right way, or they could end up with Boyzone fans hating them and get no-where, and I'm not sure which way it might go."
He nodded in agreement, "Time to bring back Louis I think."
He explained how much he loved them, but then brought up the problem I had thought up.
"Hmmmm, she's right you know mate-you're one clever girl Shelly."
"Uuuh thanks I guess!" I replied not sure how to take a compliment from Louis Walsh.
They stood there in silence for a few minutes, until Louis clicked his fingers in delight.
"What if there was some sort of Boyzone connection?" He said to me.
"Uuum yeah, I guess all Boyzone fans would then become fans of these guys, but how would you do that, I mean none of them are cousins or anything!" I said very puzzled.
"I've got an idea, I know just who to call."
"Who?" I replied intrigued.

> >Part 4

Louis grabbed his mobile out of his jacket pocket and started dialing.
"Louis, who are you calling?" I pleaded again desperately. He put his finger to his mouth.
"Ronan mate it's Louis, have you got a few mins?" Oh my god, oh my god, Louis was on the phone to Ronan. THE Ronan. Boyzone Ronan. Louis was talking to him right this second! My heart started beating so fast and I started pacing to control my excitement. 'Ronan!' I lip synched to my boss-he just nodded trying to pick up the conversation.
"Do you remember saying how you wanted to get on the management side of the industry?" Louis asked.
Oh my God, was Louis really gonna get Ronan to manage them??
"They haven't got a name at the moment-well they have but they're gonna change it." Louis replied to a question Ronan had obviously asked.
"Yeah they're good guys, 3 from Sligo, 2 from Dublin, can all sing, good looking or so Shelly tells me!"
Oh my God, Louis had just mentioned my name to Ronan!!!!
"Shelly's this girl doing work experience here at RCA. They got her to look at them and she's impressed-I trust her judgement coz she's a Boyzone fan." Oh my god, Ronan had asked who I was! He actually said my name and knew who I was. More dreams were coming true by the second!!
"Yeah well RCA are gonna sign them, and we're co-manage them if you like the look and sound of them."
"Can you hear me mate?"
"I want you to fly back from Germany tonight, and come in and see them tomorrow, RCA won't sign them until you've confirmed you'll co-manage them. Thanks mate I'll see you 10am tomorrow morning." He put the phone down!
"Louis that's genius, getting Ronan to co-manage them, everyone will buy their records!" I nearly screamed.
"Yeah good one mate," Louis and Tony shook hands.
"Right I guess we should go and give the guys the good news" Louis said smirking while rubbing his hands together.
"Yeah, I'll draw up a contract tonight for them to sign tomorrow when Ronan's here." Tony thought out loud.
"And thank you Shelly, I doubt we would have seen that problem if it wasn't for you." Louis said.
"My pleasure" I grinned back.

Louis pushed open the door to show 5 eager looking faces,
"Well?" one of the blonde ones said.
All Louis did was raise his eyebrows. My grin said it all though. The four other guys had all eyes on Louis, but Mark's eyes were on me. He just looked intently at me, as if he couldn't believe what was going on, and gave a questioning look. I just nodded, and the most gorgeous grin formed on his face.
"Are they really gonna sign us?" Mark asked, too excited for words. Louis confirmed it for the rest with an opening of his arms and a huge grin. They went mad and didn't know where to look or who to thank first. They all gripped each others fists in a circle and staring laughing and smiling. "You impressed these guys no end, especially this young lady here," he said whilst patting me on the back. The one who was sitting in the middle who I found out was called Shane from all the excited shouting went over and hugged Louis, the others following behind, while Mark came over to me. Uh oh, I thought to myself, be cool and don't say anything stupid. He just grabbed hold of me and hugged me so tight I almost couldn't breathe. He kept muttering thank yous into my hair and all I could reply with was, "That's okay but I don't know how much I did." It was amazing how safe I felt in his arms, even if someone stood there with a gun to my head I still would have felt the same, and I almost resented Shane when he came over and said, "Stop hogging her mate, we all wanna say thanx!" He lessened his grip on me and then softly kissed me on both cheeks. His lips were so warm and soft and I didn't want him to leave, he pulled away and gave me his amazing smile before moving away to Louis. The rest of the guys each took it in turns to give me a quick hug and say 'thanx' but I didn't hear a word they said, I was bathing in the feeling of Mark's lips, and tight embrace.

> >Part 5

"Morning,"
"Oh hiya Joanne," I said sickly cheerfully.
"You sound happy!"
"Well, yeah I am-Ronan's coming in 2 hours and counting!" I stood there beaming waiting for a reaction.
"Joanne-I said RONAN!"
"Yeah Shelly, I heard you-he pops in quite a bit."
"Oh my god-you've already met Ronan! I'm sooooooo jealous of you!" I said almost whinging.
"And I'm kind of jealous of you," Joanne said with a know it all look.
"You, jealous of me? Uh why?!!" I said almost laughing.
"I hear you got on rather well with those IOYOU guys yesterday," she started,
"Uuummm, yeah, they're nice guys, really good singers," I mumbled, getting slightly embarrassed.
"After you left last night, they popped in to say thanks." She said matter of factly.
"Oh yeah-so you met them then-nice aren't they!" I said whilst walking over to the desk where the unfinished press packs from yesterday were laying.
"One in particular was asking after you," she said teasingly, while following me over.
"Oh um, well,who?" I mumbled getting very embarrassed.
"Tall, dark, very handsome, said his name was oh, what was it now-um no not Bryan, or Kian-they were the blonde ones, oh as was Nicky. And it deffo wasn't Shane-who's the last one? Oh yes- Mark." She said enjoying every minute of this.
I turned around to face her, thankful I now knew all the guys names, but scarlet red, "Well? What did he want?"
"Oh Shelly don't get embarrassed he just wanted to know a little about you." "What did you say?" I demanded.
"Oh nothing bad Shelly-I could have been a bitch and ruined your chances to improve mine, but I'm not like that." She said sadly.
"Uhhh thanks I guess," I said confused.
"He seemed impressed with what I told him, then walked off with the others, who I heard teasing him about you-told you yesterday could have been your lucky day."
"Thanks Joanne, I really appreciate it," I said reaching over and giving her a quick hug, so Mark was interested, I just didn't know if I should be.

I quickly began working on those press packs I should have long finished yesterday, expecting time to drag on by. Instead one second for me, was read by one minute on the clock above me. 10'o'clock came and went, leaving me sitting there trembling with nerves. I knew the IOYOU guys had to be in the building, they were going to sign the contract after all, and that didn't help matters. How was I going to face Mark? Like any of the other guys, I answered myself. And Ronan? I didn't know about Ronan-that was a big one! At 10.37am Joanne came rushing over obviously excited.
"Ronan's here," she whispered.
"Oh my god, oh my god, Joanne what'd I do?"
"Act cool, that's what, and don't make it too obvious about you and Mark."
"What about me and Mark?"
"Come on Shelly, it's only natural something's going to happen today, just try and be discreet!"
"Okay, whatever! Oh my god, I'm gonna meet Ro!"
"Go on then-go!" She said nearly pushing me up the stairs.

"Aaaah good morning Shelly-how are you today?" Asked Tony from behind his desk.
"Umm, yeah good, thanks."
"Right, if you just wanna take a seat over there," he said pointing to a chair opposite him. "Louis and Ronan are just in the next room with the guys, seeing what Ronan thinks-to be honest I think they were as excited as you'll be, they didn't know Ronan was going to be here today and it turns out they're massive Boyzone fans as well!"
"Oh really? That's grand!" So Mark had decent taste in music I thought to myself.
I sat there nervously playing with my hands while Tony filled in some paper work, when suddenly the door came swinging open with lots of excited voices.
"I'm not embarrassed to say this in front of you guys, you're fantastic-you're like a white Boyz II Men, just watching you in there, I can see the hunger and the want that we in Boyzone had 6 years ago. Ah jeez, I'd love to work with Louis and co-manage you guys-get signing that bit of paper now!" The guys screamed with delight and were hugging and thanking Ronan like there was no tomorrow. Louis came over to me, and shouted,
"Ronan there's a very special young lady over here who'd like to meet you-she was the one who gave me the idea to involve you, this is Shelly, whom I mentioned when I rang you yesterday." No, no this can't be happening I thought to myself, but oh my god it is!
"Shelly-good to meet you," he said giving me his hand then pulling me into a hug. I couldn't control myself any longer, tears started welling up in my eyes and I said, practicially inaudible-"Ronan, you're a legend. I've loved you guys from the beginning, I can't believe it's really you."
"Thanks for all the support," he said slowly moving away-obviously concerned for his no doubt Gucci jacket.
"Ronan get over here and sign this bit of paper," called Louis, then there was a repeat perfomance of last night with all the guys coming over to thank me. "I can't believe Ronan's gonna manage us," they were saying obviously still in shock as I was with the man being right there in the same room. "Thank you soooo much for giving Louis the idea," they kept on saying, but I couldn't say anything back, I was still in shock-Ronan was only 2 feet infront of me-jeez were people at school gonna be jealous of me.
"Oh my god, what am I thinking, I've gotta call me mam," Shane suddenly called. There was only one phone in the room which he soon nicked, Nicky the only one with a mobile pulled his out and started dialing.
"I'm using it after Nicky," called Bryan Kian and Mark in unison.
"Here Kian-use mine," called Ronan,"Ah go on then Bryan you can use mine-be quick though!" said Louis whilst handing over his phone. I then became very thankful to my parents who had given me a mobile for my birthday.
"Mark," I called while reaching into my pocket producing a phone-"Here you go-use mine!"
"Are you sure Shelly?" he said softly.
"Of course I am-get ringing!" He carefully took the phone out of my hand,
"Thanks so much Shelly-I'll pay you back!"
"Nah, don't be silly!" I said.
"Okay, I'll buy you a drink when we take you out later then!" He said with a mischiveous grin! All I could do was smile back.

> >Part 6

"You're back early!" Looked up Joanne surprised.
"Yeah I know, well I don't take an hour to eat lunch, and I haven't really done as much work as I should have, so I thought I'd get back early and get stuck in."
"Okay then." I dumped my bag on my desk and then called,
"I suppose Louis, Ronan and the guys have all gone?"
"Yeah sorry Shelly you missed them by about 5 minutes." Said Joanne symphatically. Great I thought to myself. So much for a 'thank you drink' from Mark. I'd probably never see them again-tomorrow was my last day here after all, I thought sadly. I sank into my chair with a heavy sigh, and began sorting out leaflets.
"You alright Shelly-you look as if the world's come to an end." said Joanne concerned.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," I mumbled pathetically. As if, I thought to myself-if only I had walked a little bit faster, I would have got to say good bye.
"I've got something that might cheer you up,"
"Oh yeah," I mumbled. Joanne got up and called,
"Do you want a coffee or anything?" and dropped a letter onto my desk.
"No thanks-what's this?"
"Read it and you'll find out!" She smiled and then walked off in the direction of the kitchen.
It was a plain white envelope with simply the word 'Shelly' on the front, in a handwriting I had never seen before. I carefully opened it to reveal a small bit of paper saying,
'Shelly,
This has gotta be real quick-we're off out somewhere the new superstars that we are-thanx to you. We really appreciate all your help and as I promised earlier, we're taking you out tonight whether you like it or not! Don't kill Joanne, but I persuaded her to give me your address and number, I'm picking you up at 7pm for the time of your life!
Lots of love
Mark xox'
My heart stopped beating the entire time I read it, and re-read it, and re-read it again. I can't believe he really wrote that. I felt someone above me and looked up to see Joanne grinning down at me.
"You gave him my address?" I shouted pretending to be annoyed.
"And your phone number, and your mobile number!" She said excited.
"Oh my god, I just really can't believe this! Thank you sooooo much!" I lept up and hugged her nearly spilling her drink everywhere.
"Oh so you're not annoyed with me then?"
"As if-have you looked at him??! How gorgeous is he?!!!"
"Very, I was tempted to give him my address instead of yours!" she giggled.
"You didn't did you?" I asked seriously.
"Of course I didn't Shelly! I couldn't cope with the guilt of standing in the way of true love! Now forget that and start worrying about what to wear!"
"Oh my god Joanne you're sooo right! I mean what *am* I going to wear??!" I started talking flustered and mentally going through my wardrobe. "I mean do I go smart/casual, smart and casual, what?! I mean I don't even know where we're going!"
"Afraid I can't help you there-just wear something simple but not too dressy, I dunno just a skirt and top." She said trying to talk and eat at the same time.
"You're a lot of help aren't you!" I stood there thinking.
"If you get those press packs done quickly I'll let you go home early to get ready."
"Really? Oh Joanne you're such a star!" I called rushing over to my desk and working ten to the dozen.

> >Part 7

***Ding dong***
"Oh my god mum, that'll be him! Do I look okay?" I decided to go with Joanne and wore a simple mid calf length black skirt, and a little top, equipped with a cardi. I also, well my mum also thought I should go with the minimal make up look, and I still wasn't sure if I looked okay.
"You look great hun, now calm down and get down here and open that door." She called from downstairs.
"Okay, okay mum I'm coming," I called whilst coming down the stairs. I gave my mum a quick hug and whispered, "Don't wait up for me," and then gave a cheeky grin.
"Okay, but don't be too late, remember you've got to work tomorrow." she said relenting slightly.
"Okay I won't-I promise!" I said nearly shaking with excitement.
"Good now just have fun!" she called.
"Oh I will," I called back while shutting the door.
"Hi!" I said nervously.
"Hiya-you look great, I take it Joanne gave you my note then?" He said while leading me to an awaiting taxi.
"Yeah!" Jeez Shelly I thought to myself, what is with all the one word answers?! I couldn't help it though-he was just too gorgeous, he was wearing smart black trousers and a smart shirt, and he looked and smelt for that fact divine. What was he doing out with me??
"We couldn't all fit in one taxi, so the others went ahead and left us to one alone." He said grinning whilst doing the gentleman thing and opening the door for me. I carefully climbed in and he went around the other side and hopped in.
"So where we going then?" I asked intrigued.
"Oh well we thought we'd go out for a meal and then off onto the Pod nightclub. I checked with Joanne if that was your sort of thing-she seemed to think so." He asked a little concerned.
"Oh yeah, that sounds great! Oh, but..." I started.
"Oh but what?"
"Well uh," I started, trying not to get embarassed. "Well I'm under, so are you we're under 18, we can't get in, I've tried before, they're really hot on security."
"Ah don't worry about it-we checked with Louis, and he's getting John to put us on the list." he said proud.
"Oh wow, cool! The benefits of being in a pop group are starting to pay off already!"
"Yeah, but that's all thanks to you Shelly," he reached over and put his hand on mine, I felt shivers down my spine. "We, really, really appreciate it." He said looking into my eyes. Then took his hand away, and looked away embarassed.
"No probs, but to be honest I really don't know if I did anything." I said turning to look at him.
"You must have done something coz I saw that guy's look in his eyes before you worked your magic!" He said looking back towards me.
"Well if it wasn't me, it would have been someone else." I replied.
"Yeah, but I'm glad it was you," he said whilst reaching over and carefully moving my hair and adjusting my earing.

"Hey guys," called Mark as soon as we arrived.
"Oh hi Mark," called Bryan, "Decided to put in an appearance then did you??!" Bryan joked, whilst slapping him on the back. "Oh and I see you've arrived with our star!"
"Yep, she got me note and for some reason thought joining us on a night out celebrating would be fun!"
"Yeah, well with you buying the drinks, who could refuse?!" I called back. "Drinks yeah, some more of them'd be good, come on guys lets go in!" Shouted Shane.
Oh dear I thought to myself, it looked like the guys were already pissed out of their skulls-who could blame them really, their lives were taking off today, but I was left with the empty feeling that what Mark said in the car was just probably part of his drunken state.

> >Part 8

"Guys I really don't wanna seem rude, I've had a fantastic evening it's just that, well," I said looking at my watch,which read 1.20am, "It's getting kinda late and I've got to go to work tomorrow while you guys can all lay in. I really, really appreciate you guys taking me out like this it's been fab, and well getting into the club and" I started to shout to be heard above the dance music that was starting up again. "THANX GUYS-I HOPE YOU MAKE IT REALLY BIG AND I'LL SEE YOU SOON I HOPE!" I didn't seem to be getting any response-the guys were well gone, well, well gone since Bryan had tried to hit on a girl explaining how famous he was going to be. She wasn't impressed to say the least! I made a mental note to remind him of that embarrassing scenario one day. I wasn't lying with what I had said. I really had, had a great evening. It was amazing I thought I was going to feel really left out-being the only girl amongst 5 drunken guys, but I didn't. I felt totally relaxed, and not out of my depth at all. They really were great with a fantastic future in front of them.
I waved and gave them each a quick hug before leaving.
"Where's she going?" questioned Shane to Nicky.
"Oh probably just to the loo," answered Kian.
"Why'd she hug us good bye then?" said Shane puzzled.
"Oh you know how long girls take, she was just taking the piss outta herself," said Bry matter of factly.
"Yeah, yeah, that's probably it! She's mad she is!" answered Shane. They sat there for a few minutes before Mark who was the most sober of the lot got up,
"Nah, I don't think so mate-I watched 2 girls go in after her, and they've just come out. I think she's gone home."
"Nah mate," replied Bryan. "she didn't give us a hug good..." and stopped short remembering what Shane had said minutes beforehand. He sat there with a bewildered look on his face and then looked round at a table full of empty beer cans. "Yeah, I think you're right-she's gone home." Mark lept up, grabbed his jacket and headed for the exit.
"Where you off to mate?" called Bryan.
"To find Shelly," he replied exasperated with Bry's blindness.
"You going in the girls loos then mate-I think you may need more than a coat as disguise." answered Bry in a fit of giggles, soon joined by the rest. Mark turned round and shook his head, they really were outta it, no wonder Shelly had left. He quickened his pace and didn't stop until he had reached the exit. He stopped and looked around just in time to see Shelly climbing into a taxi.
"Shelly, wait up," he shouted running towards the cab. he got there just in time before it pulled away and quickly got in.
"Uh hi," I said.
"Look Shelly,I'm really sorry-I know the guys are out of it, but that's no reason to leave." he said breathlessly.
"That's not why I left-it's half past 1 Mark, and I've got to work tomorrow, I said goodbye-didn't you hear me?"
"Yeah, but the guys thought you'd gone to the loo!?!"
"The loo?" I said raising my voice, laughing. " Look Mark if they're that out of it, I really think you should get back to them-make sure they're okay."
"I'd much rather make sure you're okay," he replied. I felt touched, but still said,
"Mark, I'm honestly fine, you need to get back to them, they need you much more than I do."
"Sorry to interrupt Miss-do you still require my services?" called the taxi driver.
"Yes, we won't be a minute-leave the meter running," I replied.
"No, they'll be fine, I'm following your advice and going home to bed. We'll share a taxi home."
"Yeah we could do Mark if we lived in the same part of the country!" I replied with the realisation that after tonight it was unlikely we'd see each other again.
"Nah, I'm not going home to Sligo tonight, I'll stay in a hotel somewhere in Dublin."
"The 'welcome' money from RCA is coming in handy then!" I joked.
"Yeah!" He simply answered.
"Are you okay?" I asked concerned.
"No, not really, look Shelly there's something I've got to say to you." He said looking at his feet.
"I know what it is Mark, and I really think it's best it's not said." I said sadly.

> >Part 9

"And so I hope you all found it a valuable and enjoyable experience, and hopefully won't be too shocked when it comes that you will be part of the world of work, and speaking of things which are coming up soon, I must stress girls that you exams may seem like and age away,but," Mrs Lowne was dragging on. I was sitting in my usual seat with my head resting on the desk, trying to work out why I had stopped Mark short some 4 days ago. I think it was because I had some 'vision' into the future, and knew that it was pointless anything happening between us for it all to be blown apart within a couple of days. It would never work out between us when he became famous, and I'd just heard too many horror stories with people dating famous people, and didn't think I could cope with all the media attention, hate mail from the fans, and most of all be separated from my loved one. Yeah, that was why I did it, and it was definitely the right thing to do I assured myself, but if it really was the right thing to do then why did I feel so low?
I decided the best thing to do was to discuss it with my closest friends, but we didn't come up with any new conclusions. All I learnt was that I was going to be unhappy for a long time, but hey, I was the one who had tried to get myself involved with him, so I was just going to have to be the one to get uninvolved from something that I had hardly even let begun. I decided to totally put him and all of IOYOU out of my mind. I just concentrated on my studies, and amused my friends with stories of me crying when meeting Ronan leaving them turning green with envy, and then trying to make me jealous with stories of dying animals and screaming kids. It was easy enough for the first few months but then came the news that 'WestSide' would be supporting Boyzone on their European tour, which of course I had tickets for nearly every night, and it didn't take long for me to see a poster around town, confirming what I had thought, that IOYOU were no longer, and WestSide had replaced them.
"I can't go," I said through tears. "I just can't go,"
"Of course you can," my mates comforted me. " We just won't get there until 9pm, there's no way they'll see you."
"Oh yeah?" I said unimpressed. "We'll come up with some sort of fool proof plan will we? One that can't go wrong?" I said bitterly, desperately trying to hold back the tears. "The trouble is they *always* go wrong no matter how fool proof you think they are. The guys will decide to watch the show and I'll see them in the crowd, or when we go back to the hotel to see Boyzone they'll be there, there are so many ways it could go wrong, I just can't risk it." I finished, and started sobbing in an uncontrollable way.
"Ah Shelly calm down calm down, we'll think of something, there's no way we'll let you miss Boyzone." They said holding me in a group hug. "Don't let Mark do this to you. You've been doing so well up til now-just totally forget about it-come on we'll go find all the calories we can," they said pulling me in the direction of the high street. I managed to mumble a 'thanx', but still couldn't clear my mind. We went into town bought milkshakes-chocolate of course, and big slabs of chocolate cake, and sat down on a table outside the cafe on the high street. I was just beginning to finally relax, when my mobile starting ringing. I fished it out of my bag and looked down at the number showing on the screen. My mind didn't know who it was, but the pit of my stomach knew just as sure as tomorrow was a Tuesday, and it wasn't happy.

> >Part 10

"Are you not gonna answer it then Shelly?" Lindsey called over.
"Uuuhhh," I said still fixated at the screen on the ringing phone. Could it really be him? He hadn't contacted me since that fateful night back in the summer. My phone just had the number on the screen-no name,which meant whoever it was wasn't in my address book. Mark wasn't. "uuhhh yeah," I said looking up at Lindsey still holding the phone loudly singing 'No Matter What'-I'd had it specially done, much to the disaprovement of people on the surrounding tables. I took in 3 deep breaths before finally pressing the green button, and holding it up to my ear.
"Hello," I said boldly.
"Shelly?" Came the reply on the other end. It was him-that strong Sligo accent was so distinguishable.
"Yeah, look Mark, I really don't think," Gasps came from everyone surrounding me, "Mark?" they were all saying completely confused. Danni started shaking my shoulders,
"Mark?" she was lip-synching. I nodded back trying to make out what he was saying at the other end.
"Oh my god Shelly, it's so good to hear your voice, I'm really sorry about everything, me not,"
"Look don't worry about it," I interrupted, annoyed. "There's nothing to say Mark. Anything that even started ended that night we were out celebrating."
"No, Shelly, that's when," I didn't let him finish, and kept on going.
"I've got on with my life and it looks as though you have too-I like the name by the way, catchy. Like I said that night, good luck, I wish you guys all the success in the world, and I really think everything's best left at that."
"No Shelly," I didn't even let him finish before hanging up.

Mark kept on talking for a few seconds before realising he was talking into a dial tone, and Shelly had gone. "Shelly?" He said. There was obviously no reply. He took the phone away from his ear and punched the red off button, frustrated. "She hung up on me, I can't believe it," said Mark shaking his head, talking to no-one in particular.
"I take it this is Shelly we're talking about here," enquired Kian being unhelpful to say the least.
"Who else?" mumbled Mark before dropping his phone to the floor and storming out of the room, annoyed and upset. Kian started to follow,
"Leave him mate," called Shane stopping him in his tracks, "give him a while to think things through before we all go hassling him."
"Yeah, you're probably right," replied Kian whilst shaking his head at the scene he had just witnessed.

"Way to go Shelly!!" was the response I got, when I plonked my phone on the table.
"That guy really needs to work on his timing!" Joked Hannah.
"Yeah," I just mumbled, trying to work out why I had just done what I had.
"Aaah I sense someone's still not feeling any better," started Lindsey.
"This calls for one thing and one thing only-MORE CHOCCIE CAKE!" We all started laughing, but I couldn't help feeling guilty-from Mark's voice on the phone I gathered he wouldn't be sitting down rejoying to chocolate cake, far from it infact.

> >Part 11

"And now over to the 6'o'clock news," called the radio DJ.
"Hello my name is Caroline Maine, with the 6'o'clock news on Friday the 31st July 1999. EXCLUSIVE: News just in, one week before their second release If I Let You Go," I stopped my writing and turned to face the radio, "WestLife are headlining a series of dates at the Point Depot in Dublin inner city, on the 13th and 14th of August, to raise money for a local charity. Other acts expected are B*Witched, Area4 and The Corrs, but as yet have not been finalised. Tickets go on sale tomorrow at 9am, and cost £16 each." I just managed to scribble everything down to let my internet friends know incase they missed it. The guys had become so big. They unfortunately had to change their name to WestLife from WestSide, because some other group in America had already copyrighted it, but apart from that they had had no other hic-cups on their road to fame. They'd already had a number 1 single in the UK and Ireland, and everyone was already saying If I Let You Go, was going to go the same way. I was really proud of them. My mates helped me to get over Mark, and they thought I was fine about everything, but deep down I knew I wasn't. I thought I'd managed to get to the stage where I could talk to him now, but it was obvious he didn't want to know, and who could blame him the way I had acted. I'd managed to pluck up the courage to go to the Boyzone concerts, and sure enough one evening I saw the lads in the audience. I saw Mark, but he totally blanked me and only Shane would give me the time of day. That really hurt me, but I knew I deserved it, and if anything it helped me to get on with my life and carry on as any normal fan.
That was why I had joined all these mailing lists. The lads had so many fans and I was on so many. They were a great source of information, and everyone was really nice swapping info, pictures, and stories of when they had met them. There were loads of different groups of people who followed the lads,-The Dover Lot, The Stamford Crew, The Tartan Army, to name but a few, and I was so jealous of them. They had such a good time with the lads-one that I could never have like they did. True enough I had helped to get the lads started-none of the other fans could say that, and I knew them, but I couldn't just be another face in the crowd, I couldn't just mess about with them like everyone else could, and that really got to me.
I emailed all the lists with the info I had just heard, and almost instantaneously got replies of 'thanx' and people asking me what day I was going, so we could meet up. I had already decided though that I wasn't going to go. The lads had made it perfectly clear at the Boyzone concerts that they didn't want to have anything to do with me, and the least I could do was respect their wishes. I emailed my friends back making up some excuse about a 'family commitment' I couldn't get out of, and downloaded my new mail. There was only one new mail, and from an address I didn't recognise. There was no subject, and all the body of the message said was,
'Shelly, don't bother getting tix for the August shows, I've saved you a couple of front row ones, for both nights. See ya soon, Shane xx'
I re-read the message again and again, trying to work out if it was someone mucking around or if it really was him. It had to be him, I'd never said to anyone how I knew the lads, I'd kept quiet and pretended to be younger than I was and just said my parents wouldn't let me go. No-one could of guessed from that could they??? Of course not, Shane had really emailed me, how he got my address was the next puzzle. He must have felt guilty or something, I didn't know. All I did know, as I clicked the 'reply' button, and typed, 'I'm not going, Mark doesn't want me there' was that I couldn't go.

> >Part 12

"Shelly, hun, it's time to get up or you're gonna be late for school," my mum yelled up the stairs. I groaned turning over, and hit the top button on my alarm clock to see whether I really did need to get up yet or not. '7.10am Monday 7th August 1999' said the monotonous electronic voice, that I had learnt to hate. Bugger, I though to myself, I should have got up 10 minutes ago, I can't wash my hair now. I tossed my duvet to the side and got dressed angrily.
"Shelly, if you're not down here in the next 2 minutes you're not going to have time for breakfast before you catch the bus,"
"I'm coming," I said trudging down the stairs.
"There's some cereal on the side, along with some post that came for you today, now hurry up," she said whilst fiddling with my hair. Post? I thought to myself. I never get post. I walked into the kitchen and sat down on a stool whilst examining the letter. It wasn't from a mailing list as I had first thought, it was hand written. I turned it over and opened it, half looking at it, and half looking at what shenanigans were going on, on the Big Breakfast which I had flicked on. Inside the envelope were 4 concert tickets just as Shane had promised, with a little note in Mark's handwriting saying, 'I do want you there Shelly. Mark xxx' I sat there staring at them, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. He wanted me there?? No he couldn't, not from the way he totally blanked me at Boyzone. I had behaved like a bitch and he wanted me to go? Wanted me to go so he could rip the piss out of me more like. I saw that look in his eyes, and only Shane would talk to me, so I'd obviously hurt him, he probably wanted me to go, so he could say, 'Ha ha, I'm over you, but you're not over me, and I'm a pop star,' But deep down through my bitterness I knew he wasn't really like that.
"Shelly, I've just booked an appointment for your hair on Thursday at 4pm, is that okay?" Called my mum, whilst washing her hands. "Shelly?" She said turning around to face me. "Are you okay honey?" I sat there completely hopeless shaking my head unable to control the tears. "Shelly, whatever's the matter?" She said softly while stroking my back. I couldn't say anything and couldn't stop the tears from flowing. My mum just sat there holding me until I was finally able to hand her the envelope. She carefully let go of me, and opened it. "Is this what all the tears are over? I don't get you Shelly, I'd have thought you'd be crying happy tears if you were crying at all." I started crying even more, how could my own mother not even understand?? "Shelly, these are front row, and look, Mark even says he wants you there. I don't understand honey."
"That's exactly the problem," I blubbed through my tears. "He wants me there-I can't go mum,"
"Of course you're going, and you're taking me too-they're quite good looking. Now which one's Mark?" she said pointing at a picture.
"No, mum, no," I mumbled through my sobs, shaking my head.
"Right, you go upstairs and have a shower, get out of that uniform, you can have the day off school, and then I want you back down here telling me exactly what the problem is, or I'll ring Mark and ask him why you're acting like this."
"No mum, you can't do that," I started, but with the look on her face I knew she'd do exactly and more what she said she would.

> >Part 13

"Shelly, it's been 45 minutes since I heard the shower cut out, and you never take this long to get ready, so you're obviously avoiding me, which isn't a good thing because you know you can still go into school 2 hours late." My mum called up the stairs, that was the ultimate threat, but I didn't want to go down there firstly because it was embarrassing, and what was there to say? I wasn't left with much of a choice though as I slowly plodded down the stairs and sat on the opposite sofa to my mum.
"So," she started.
"So what, mum I don't get what you want me to say." I said stubbornly.
"I want to know why you had that outburst in the kitchen this morning, over these," she said whilst holding the tickets in one hand and the note in the other. "It's obviously something to do with Mark, I know you two went out sometime last year before they were famous,"
"Me and Mark, never went out mum," I said looking at the floor, starting to feel tears well up just from saying his name. God what was with me? And it wasn't even that time of the month! Get a grip I thought to myself. "Okay so you never went out but it's obvious you like him and he likes you,"
"He doesn't like me, he hates me mum," I said through my tears which were starting up again.
"Oh come on Shelly, where'd you get that idea from? If he hates you why would he write this," she said looking at the note.
"He's got every reason to hate me mum, I acted like a total bitch, and he'll only want me to go to take the piss out of me. There's no way I can go, and that's that."
"Oh do stop being so ridiculous Shelly," my mum said angrily. " I know for a fact he doesn't think that."
"Oh yeah, you psychic or something?" I started back getting angry too.
" Bloody hell Shelly, you don't need to be psychic to see how much you like him, and I didn't tell you but a few months ago he rang,"
"What? He rang and you didn't tell me?" I interupted almost fumming.
"Would you let me finish? He didn't ring to talk to you, he rang to see how you were, I told him you were moping around the house,"
"You what?" I shrieked. "I was never moping around the house!"
"For God's sake Shelly you were, why you have a problem admitting it I don't know. He seems really nice, and you like him, so why not just give it a go. You're both miserable apart, things can only get better if you're together." I sat there huddled in a ball, crying unable to stop the tears once again, "Oh okay mum, so what you want is for me to just drop everything, forget about school, university etc, just so I can travel around the world and 'be happy' for ooh a whole 5 minutes before he sees someone else and leaves me? Well I've obviously got a lot more sense than you, because I can see it won't work, so I'm saving myself the grief before it even starts, and making sure I have a career. It'd be a whole lot easier for me to do that if people like you weren't constantly ramming him down my throat." I finally finished and stormed out of the room slamming the door and running to to the comfort of my bedroom.

> >Part 14

Luckily my mum didn't stay stressed at me for long, I think she must have actually understood what I was saying. She wasn't forcing me to go and see WestLife the weekend approaching, but said I had to ring Shane or Mark to say thanks, but a kinda no thanks thing. I argued and argued with her explaining what a bad idea it was, but I didn't have any choice but to go with her-'nasty things' would happen if I didn't even have some common courtesy I was told! That was a joke. There was no way I could ring Mark, so it was Shane I had to call, only one thing was holding me back. I only had Mark's mobile number. I tried ringing the record company, but of course they weren't going to give me it no matter how much I explained the situation. I tried to talk to Joanne-she would have given me it, but she was 'unavailable'. I didn't have a choice but to ring Mark's mobile. My only hope was that he wouldn't answer it-how unlikely was that?
I explained to my mum, and begged her not to force me to ring him, but she did, and I guess deep down I knew what she was saying was right.
It took me half an hour to pluck up the courage to dial, and when it connected it said that the phone was switched off, and was going to connect me with an answerphone-should I leave a message or not? I decided not, and hung up the phone relieved, but also still feeling a huge weight on my shoulders I hadn't cleared. I decided to get down to some revision, and 5 minutes into it my phone rang. I looked at my watch it was 11.10am, and was probably one of my friends from school ringing up during break, seeing what was wrong. I decided to try and make my voice sound croaky so I had some sort of excuse when I picked up the phone.
"Hello," I croaked what sounded very unconvincing to my own ear.
"Shelly? Is that you? Are you okay?" Came the distinvitictly Irish voice on the other end. Oh my god, I thought to myself, it was Mark. It was so funny how the speech I had earlier planned just magically disappeared from my mind.
"Um, yeah it's me Mark, I'm fine, why?" I replied quietly.
"You just sounded a bit croaky that's all. Sorry I was just in an interview, and had to have my phone off, and there was a missed call from you, so here I am ringing you back," I couldn't believe the way he just went on as if nothing had ever happened-it was as if we were old mates or something.
"Yeah, um Mark I just rang to quicky say that I got the tickets, thanx very much, but I'm not going, so do you want me send them back to the record company or sell them and give you the money or what?"
"What Shelly, I can't hear you very well, I'm in Paris and am just about to get into a cab, so bare with me in case we go through any bad areas okay?"
"Okay, I said I'm not coming at the weekend, so do you want," getting mildly irritated at his attitude.
"What? You're not coming? Why on earth not? Did you get the tickets I sent?" Came his curious 20 questions.
"Yes, I got the tickets Mark, but I'm not coming," I said impatiently, "I'm not going into why now, when you can barely hear me. I just need to know what you want me to do with the tickets." I said getting more and more irritated.
"Keep them Shelly-come, please Shelly," Came his quiet voice.
"No Mark I can't, okay." I said almost shouting to cover more tears I could feel forming.
"Look Shelly we really need to talk about this, but not now,"
"I know," I replied, it was true enough, we did need to talk so we could end all of this nonsense as soon as possible. "Shelly, I'm back in London tomorrow night filming the OZONE, I'm gonna fly back to Dublin after that so we can talk and then fly back to London as soon as we're done okay? There's no point in doing it though if you're not going to talk,"
"I will talk," I mumbled, not sure what I was getting myself committed to.
"Okay Shelly, I'll ring when I'm about to board the plane, I've gotta go, I'll see you tomorrow,"
"Uh yeah okay then, umm bye," I replied not really with it.
"Bye," Came his sad voice before my ear was deafened with the piercing dial tone. What had I gotten myself into? Tomorrow I was going to have to talk, part of me was happy to get all of this sorted out, but the other half sad, that it was less than 24 hours til I lost all the contact with Mark I'd ever had.

> >Part 15

"So how is everyone?" I asked Mark. We were sitting in a small cafe in the centre of Dublin, secluded in a corner to try and hide from any fans who might make an appearance. I hadn't made an effort to look good, and was just wearing some old jeans and a sweatshirt, Mark was dressed fairly smartly in designer clothes, and looking as gorgeous as ever. He had just informed me that he could only stay an hour because the lads were unexpectedly due to perform on a German TV show, and Louis was already annoyed he was here in the first place.
"Ah yeah they're all grand," he said playing with a beer mat.
"What, so there's no goss?" I asked intrigued, as to whether the current rumours about who dating who flying around were true.
"Oh um, well Kian isn't seeing Britney Spears, but this girl called Clare. She lives in Wales so they don't get to see each other much, but from what I know it's going well,"
"Oh that's good, I'm happy for them," I replied genuinely.
"Yeah, um Shane's going out with this girl called Luce, from uh, oh ummm S something," he rested his chin on his hand deep on thought, then suddenly clicked his fingers, "Stamford! That's it." He said happy he'd remembered.
"Yeah they've not been going out long, he just broke up with this girl Nikki, but yeah, she's really nice.
Nicky's still going strong with old Georgina, although this girl Sarah has been around quite a bit lately, but I don't think anything's going on-it'd better not be for Georgina's sake. Oh and Bryan, jeez man I can't keep up with that guy, I really couldn't tell you who's he's with now, it seems to change every 5 minutes!" We both sat there laughing,
"That sure sounds like Bry-so is he using the line about him being famous anymore?"
"Oh God no, I think he learnt from that one night in the Pod!" We both sat there in thought, at the memories of that night.
"Yeah a lot was learnt that night," I said remembering what went on that night.
"You never did let me finish saying what I was going to say that night did you?" Mark said reaching forward for my hand. I thought about pulling it away, but decided against it, and let him sit there holding it.
"There was, there is," I corrected myself, " a reason why. Oh Mark stop looking at me like that, like it's my fault all this hasn't worked out."
"I'm not looking at you like anything Shelly, I'm just full of regret that we didn't let what's inevitable happen back then." He said going misty eyed.
"You just don't get it do you?" I said raising my voice and pulling my hand away from his. "Nobody gets it." I muttered shaking my head beginning to feel the tears come on against my will.
" Get what Shelly?" Mark said concerned trying to reach back for my hand. I shook him off and stood up, not caring that I was making a scene.
"You can't just expect me to drop everything Mark," I said too loudly for his taste.
"Shelly, sit down, and calm down." He said getting embarrassed about the scene I was making.
"No Mark I won't just sit down and shut up. You can go on with all this crap about how it's inevitable that one day we'll be together, but that's bullshit Mark. You can't, nobody can just expect me to drop school, university, all my plans, just so I can be at your beck and call following you all around the world. No matter how much I love you or you love me it just isn't going to happen-we have to face facts." The tears were falling ten to the dozen now, and people were starting to crowd round, obviously realising who was hiding in the corner. "Shelly," he whispered cradling me in a hug.
"Just let me finish okay?" I said almost incomprehensible through my tears, " In some ways I really wish I had not persuaded them to sign you that day at the record company, that way there could be some hope for us, but that's just being selfish, you guys deserve what you've got, and I'm not going to try and take it away from you. Now Mark, please, there's nothing left to say, lets just leave it at that." I pulled away from him, grabbed my coat and ran out the door. He didn't say anything, but before I left I turned back, and swore I could see a silver shimmer of a tear.

> >Part 16

"I take it things didn't go well with Shelly then?" Shane asked Mark, when he met him at the gate and helped him start to look for his baggage in Amsterdam airport.
"No, she reckons nothing can happen while I'm in WestLife," Mark said with his anger clearly apparent.
"What? She's not expecting you to leave the band is she?" Shane said very concerned.
"No of course not, but she got so stressed and wouldn't let me get a word in edgeways, she came up with a million excuses as to why, and she reckons I've just got to live with it, well I'm telling you mate I'm not going to, I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but it'd better be good to persuade her." Mark said determinedly.
"Yeah that's good mate, we'll talk about it later at the hotel," He called being dragged off by screaming fans who had still managed to find out their schedule even though they had changed it at the last minute. Mark wasn't in the mood to pose for pictures and sign autographs so the other lads apologised for him, while Anto took him out to an awaiting taxi.

As soon as I arrived home, I was relieved to remember my mum was out with my sister and would be for the majority of the evening. I certainly didn't need to have another 'heart to heart' with my mother. The last one had been a disaster. I went straight into the house and flopped onto the sofa. I lay there thinking, something I'd deliberately not done on the walk back, in case I felt the feeling I was now. Why did whatever I do make me unhappy? I was in a no win situation, I could have chosen either way, but me being me had to be the one where other people got hurt. I couldn't believe I'd made Mark cry-I wasn't feeling freeness as I'd imagined, instead I was full of guilt and regret. But what's done was done, and I did feel relieved to now be out of it, if not somewhat empty. I decided on a shower and then putting on slob out clothes-namely an old baggy Boyzone t-shirt, and tracksuit bottoms, and watching Friends to cheer me up, homework definitely wasn't the sort of therapy I needed tonight, any night infact. As I sat there, I realised how I had indeed made the right decision out of the two. I just couldn't give up nights like these, to be hanging about TV studios constantly having to be on guard against people, looking my best and hiding from fans. No, I'd definitely made the right decision, I just only wished I felt better about it.

"Oh come on try and cheer up mate," Bryan said to Mark back in the bar at the hotel.
"I can't Bryan, I just can't." Mark said softly, then his determination returned. "Actually I can, I'm not letting her have the last word like that, I'm flying back to Dublin now, and I'm not coming back unless she comes with me."
"Come on Mark, do ya think that's wise?" Kian interrupted.
"I don't care if it's wise or not, I've got to do it, I'm not going to be unhappy." Mark said standing up already on his way up the stairs for his bags. On returning he gave the lads each a quick hug, and begged them to tell Anto, he'd already been annoyed at him for travelling separately, and wasn't in the mood for an argument over it. "Mark-" called Shane. Mark stopped in his tracks and turned to face his friend. "I just got the girl at reception to see what flights there were, there's one at 7.45pm the BA1703, go get her!" Shane announced.
"Cheers mate," Mark said giving him another quick hug before hitching a taxi. He successfully arrived at the airport and boarded the flight, ready to not give up fight or no fight this time.

Shane was pottering around his hotel room at 9pm leaving the other guys down in the bar. He had the tv on sky news, seeing as he hadn't seen the news in a week, and was curious to see what was going on in the world. He was unpacking seeing as the guys would be staying here for 3 days, when the newsreader read something which made his heart momentarily stop beating. He turned around and punched up the volume to hear about a plane which had crashed on route from Amsterdam in Dublin. No, he thought, please don't let it be, no, but then the newsreader confirmed his worst nightmare-the flight number was BA1703.

> >Part 17

Shane rushed over to his suitcase he was mid unpacking and grabbed his address book. He immediately dialled my number, panicking when it didn't connect but then realising in his haste he has forgotten to press '9' for an outside line. He quickly dialled again, and it began to ring on both ends. I was lying on the sofa with a big pot of ice cream and Friends on, when I heard the phone ring. I had originally decided not to get the phone tonight but my mum was due home ages ago, so I grudgingly left the comfort of the sofa and picked it up,
"Hello?" I said expecting to hear my mothers' voice, instead I was faced by a very different one.
"Shelly, it's Shane, why the hell did it take you so long to answer the phone?" he said fastly and worryingly,
"I'm sorry.." I started but he immediately cut me off,
"Forget it. Have you heard about a plane crash in Dublin Shelly?"
"No," I replied starting to get a little anxious at what he was getting at.
"Shelly it was just on sky news, a plane from Amsterdam has crashed somewhere in Dublin,"
It was terrible but I didn't get what he was trying to say. "Shelly, Mark was on that plane coming back to see you." As soon as he said his name, I felt sick. Mark had been involved in a plane crash? No, no it wasn't possible. "Shelly you have to get down there now, go, and please don't hurt him anymore than you already have. Now go, and call me the second you get any news."
"Okay," I replied, replacing the receiver, grabbing my coat, phone and keys and running out the door. I ran straight over to my neighbours and begged them to drive me, which they kindly did. I sat in the car on the 10 minute journey, realising what a fool I'd been. It was ridiculous to think that something this bad had to happen to make you realise the things that were really important in life to you. I'd always taken it for granted that Mark would always be there, whether in the same room as me as a friend or on the TV, and life without him, although that was what I thought I'd wanted was bleak, very bleak. What if he hadn't survived? I had no idea of the details of the crash, what if I'd left it too late? What if I'd lost him? The fans would all blame me, and of course it would be the right thing for them to do, it was my fault he was even on that plane. I burst into tears worried that I'd lost him and caused so many people so much pain, and vowed to myself if he was alive then I'd confess my true love for him, and not try to hide my feelings anymore-I'd find a way to overcome all the problems I had with us being together, I was going to be sensible for once and listen to my heart and not my head.
When we arrived there were loads of people on the scene. You couldn't see the plane as the police had already put up orange tape barring anyone from going through. I ran over to a lady standing behind the tape, explaining that I simply had to see Mark. She started to talk about how a few fans had found out there was a minor celebrity on board and we had to wait, it was only friends and family who could be told anything,
I screamed at her, "FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'M NOT A FAN, I'M MARK'S GIRLFRIEND, WELL KINDA-YOU HAVE TO LET ME THROUGH!" It didn't even sound convincing to me, and course she wasn't going to believe me, Mark had never talked about a girlfriend before. She told me to calm down, and stated it was quite clear I was a fan from my t-shirt. I looked down and sighed, out of all the t-shirts why this one? I screamed at her,
"FOR PITY'S SAKE THIS IS A BOYZONE T-SHIRT NOT A WESTLIFE T-SHIRT, YOU HAVE TO LET ME THROUGH I HAVE TO SEE MARK," I yelled between sobs.
"I'm sorry, you'll have to wait," She calmly replied.
"NO I WILL NOT WAIT, I AM WHO I SAY I AM, JEEZ I'LL EVEN GET ANY MEMBER OF WESTLIFE ON THE PHONE FOR YOU, THEY'RE ALL IN AMSTERDAM WORRIED OUT OF THEIR MINDS AS AM I-PLEASE YOU HAVE TO LET ME THROUGH."
"I'm terribly sorry but I can't," she replied letting 2 other people through. I'd had enough, I wasn't going to let her get away with it. I walked slightly over to the left and climbed quickly under the tape running in the direction of other people. I ignored her shouts, and threats, and carried on running, I wasn't going to let one stupid woman, or anyone for that matter keep me away from Mark any longer.

> >Part 18

I kept on running and running until I reached another area which was cornered off. Inside the tape about 15 meters away was the mangled plane. It was an eerie feeling, I'd never seen anything like it before. There were ambulances all over the place and groups of people huggled in groups fearing the worst. Every few minutes they'd bring out someone on a stretcher, everyone would rush over, only to see a lifeless face looking up at them. People were coming out dead not alive. While I'd been standing there 5 people had been brought out of the 100 seater plane, all dead, and it seemed to be carrying on in the same way. I couldn't bear to stand there being so hopeless. There were hardly any people trying to get bodies out, so I climbed under the tape, and ran towards the aircraft, I didn't get very far before someone came and stopped me, they yelled,
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Get back."
"No," I responded sternly, I wasn't going to wait any longer. "You have to get Mark out, you have to, and if you're not, I will." I screamed uncontrollably, with tears streaming down my face. He must have sensed I wasn't going to give in, so he calmly led me to the plane, asking me if I knew where he'd be sitting, "Either business class or first class," I cried through my tears.
"Okay I'll go and see if anyone responds to that name, and if not I'll check wallets, Miss I must warn you there are a lot more casualties than survivors,"
"Yeah and they'll be even more if you don't get in there now," I angerly screamed back. I wasn't allowed to go in, I just had to stand there hoping with all my heart he'd be fine. After what seemed like an eternity he came back out looking tired and regretful. He motioned over for one of the ambulance crew to come over with a stretcher, and then turned and said to me, "I'm awfully sorry Miss,"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO," I screamed almost defining him and myself, "No, no, he can't be no," I said shaking my head with more tears than I ever realised was possible to produce. "No," I carried on. He said to the paramedic "just in on your left son," I turned around unable to comprehend what was happening. Mark was dead? No Shelly it wasn't a question any longer, it was a statement, he really was dead and it was all my fault. How could I ever live with myself? I looked over to the stretcher, being brought out, unable to imagine what he would look like. The shape of the body wasn't one I recognised though, I ran over and lifted up the cloth to reveal a man who must have been in his forties. It wasn't my Mark, there was still a chance. I ran back screaming,
"That's not him, find my Mark, now, find him," the guy looked drained, and just let me through into the aircraft. It was a scene I'd never forget, there were mutilated bodies laying all over the place, they obviously weren't bringing them out yet, to let their families cling onto a little shred of hope for just a few minutes longer. I turned to the left where the business class and first class passengers were. I carefully walked through feeling sick to the stomach about what I was seeing and who I might see next, there didn't seem to be any survivors. I couldn't see him anywhere in business class and just as I was walking through into the first class, I thought I heard a very faint, "Shelly,"
I turned round. Was it my imagination or was it him? I shouted,
"Mark, Mark is that you?" Looking round in every direction, still no sign of him.
"Shelly," came his voice, undoubtedly his, and much stronger from the left. I looked over unable to locate him but started climbing over bodies to reach him, the worst was young children still clutching teddies, I was unable to stop crying. Through my misty eyes I was able to locate him crushed in the corner, looking dreadful, but alive nonetheless. I felt immense relief as I climbed over, dropping down to the floor beside him, looking at his wounds on his face. "Why didn't you answer your name the first time round? I was so worried," I blubbed unable to stop touching him. "I didn't think it was me they were looking for, I didn't think you'd come, I didn't think you cared." He said tears starting to well up in his eyes as well.
"Oh my God, Mark, I can't believe you thought that, I," this time it was his turn to cut me off before I said those 3 little words.
"Shelly, you see that woman over there," I looked over, she was dead. I nodded my head. "I was talking about you to her before we crashed, she said if it was true love then I should never give up. She was on her way home to see her boyfriend-look at her now Shelly, she's dead. That could have easily been me Shelly, I could be dead, someone's trying to tell us something Shelly, I'm practically the only survivor, please, I love you Shelly, I don't ever want us to be apart." He said it, he'd said those 3 little words with such sincerity, such feeling, he still wanted me after the way I had behaved. The tears kept on falling as I reached over and kissed him softly on the lips, before holding him in a tight embrace and saying those 3 little words back, "I love you too Mark," and inside I finally felt a whole person.