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| When Ashley and two of her friends meet Westlife at a club in Ireland, their lives change for the better. While her friends are busy with Shane and Bryan, Ashley is busy wondering if Kian knows how she really feels about him... and if he'll ever feel the same. |
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Part 1 My best friends Jessica and Sarah, and I walked into the crowded club. The music was blasting and people were dancing, talking, and some were even making out. This was our first time in a real club.. and it was in Ireland, the last place any of us would have thought we’d go. “C’mon,” Jessica said grabbing mine and Sarah’s arm. She pulled us onto the dance floor and started dancing. Sarah and I looked at each other. Neither of us are even close to that confident or as energetic as Jessica. “Um.. no thanks,” I said starting to walk away. Sarah followed and then Jessica pulled us back. “Lighten up,” she told us. “Have some fun.. it’s not like you know any of these people. And it’s not like we’ll ever see them again,” she said. “But..” I started. “No! Dance!” she started dancing again. I laughed and then I started dancing too. It was pretty funny, and we must’ve looked pretty weird too. Especially me, since I don’t dance. Sarah just looked at us like we were crazy. “Um.. you guys..” “C’mon, Sar!” I said. “Ash.. look.. over there,” she said pointing. I stopped dancing and I didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry. “Oh my God,” I said. “Sarah.. kill me now, please.” There, standing about 10 meters away from us, was Westlife. They were watching us. “Come on Jessica, let’s go get a table,” I said pulling her toward an empty table. “Why did you do that?” she asked giving me a look. I ordered three Pepsis for all of us and then looked at Jessica. “Guess which hot Irish band is here, in this club as we speak,” I said. “Umm..??” she looked at me. “How would I know?” The waiter put down our drinks and then left us to talk. “Westlife, Jessica,” Sarah said after taking a drink. “And they were staring at you guys.” “So?” “Sooo..” Sarah shrugged. “They were really hot, though, huh?” I asked suddenly. “Especially Kian.” Sarah nodded. “Yeah, they were.” I looked back at the place that they had been. A slow song had came on and there were couples on the dance floor, swaying to the music. “They’re not over there,” I said. “Maybe they’re..” Jessica started, but then she stopped. “Walking right toward us.” “What?” I squeaked. They were walking straight to us!! I took a sip of my Pepsi and then turned to act like I was talking to Jessica. She knew what I was doing, but she kept looking to see if they were closer. “Excuse me,” a voice said from behind us. “But.. we saw you girls dancing earlier..” “And we were wondering if you girls wanted to dance with us,” Bryan interrupted Shane. “All of you?” I asked looking at the three who were there. Ironically enough, they were our favorites out of the group. “Well.. no..” Kian said. “So do you pretty girls have names?” Shane asked. Jessica smiled flirtatiously at Shane. “I’m Jessica. This is Sarah and that’s Ashley.” “Hi,” Sarah and I said at the same time. “Well hullo..” Kian said. “So like I was saying.. may I have this dance?” he held out his hand to me (ME!) and I took it. I smiled at him and saw over his shoulder when we started dancing that Shane and Jessica were dancing and so were Sarah and Bryan. Maybe it’s intuition.. some things you just don’t question.. like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant and I realize I think I’ve found my best friend.. “I knew I loved you” played softly and I looked up at Kian in wonder. There was something that went through me, the second our eyes met and the second we touched. I can’t really explain it, it was just.. this feeling of belonging. Need. I know it seems weird to say since I barely know him, but this song.. just fitted. “So.. what are you girls doing here in Ireland?” His voice was sweet and soft and he had a slight accent. “We’re here for the summer,” I said. “My friend’s grandma lives here and she invited us to come.” “That’s cool,” Kian said with a smile. “Yeah,” I said. “It’s really pretty here.” Kian looked at me for a second. I looked up at him and looked into his eyes. He has the most beautiful eyes. Honestly. And I just stood there, in his arms looking into his eyes. Getting lost, thinking I could get used to this. “So are you from America?” he asked with a smile. “Yep,” I replied. “You have the most beautiful eyes,” I blurted. Then I covered my mouth with my hand. “Omg, did I just say that? I’m sorry..” Kian laughed. “You’re sorry? Why are you sorry?” he laughed again, “Thank you. You have beautiful eyes too.” He brushed a piece of hair away from my face. “And beautiful hair.. Hell, you’re beautiful.” By now I was blushing an unattractive shade of tomato red. I thanked God that it was dark and that Kian couldn’t see, but he probably knew. “Thank you,” I said with a laugh. “That was.. forward.” “It’s the truth,” he flashed me a grin and my heart went wild. Soon the song was over and fast music was on again. Kian took my hand and led me back to the table. Everyone was there. “Wow and I thought this was a table for 4 people,” I said laughing. Now there was 10. (Nicky was by his girlfriend Georgina, and Mark was with some dark haired girl.) All of us talked and laughed. We told stories about everything. We all just clicked. It was amazing, I mean usually it takes at least a month to really bond with someone, but we all bonded within an hour. And I got this feeling when everyone said goodbye that it really wasn’t goodbye and that we had made this friendship that couldn’t be broken. “Hey, Ash,” Kian said. “Yeah?” “Want to come back to the house with me..” “What?” I asked looking at him. “You didn’t let me finish,” he said laughing. “All the lads and Jessica and Sarah are going to watch a movie in mine and Bryan’s room.” “Oh..” I looked at him. He had an amused look on his face. “I feel really dumb now.” I laughed. “Sure.” “K, cool,” he said smiling and I smiled back. Then we walked toward the house. “What took you guys so long?” Bryan asked as he put the movie in. “We were talking,” Kian said smiling. (He has the most adorable smile.) “Sure,” Mark said rolling his eyes. I gave Kian a look and then laughed and sat down by Sarah and Jessica. “Soo..?” Jessica whispered. “So what?” I asked. “Do you like him?” she asked. “Yeah, I do. He’s a real nice guy..” “No, I mean really like him.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. What about Shane? And Bryan?” “Shane..” Jessica sighed. “Shane is a really really hot nice sweet good kisser.” “Uh huh,” I said nodding. “And Bryan?”b Sarah shrugged, but the look on her face said everything. “Haha I know what you’re thinking Sar, might as well spill.” “I like him,” she said finally. “A lot. He’s sweet and funny and..” “Hey, scoot over,” Kian said hitting my leg. “Um.. Kian?” I said giving him a look. “Pllllllleeeeassssse scoot over,” he begged giving me a puppy dog look. “Scoot over Sar,” I told her. Jessica and Sarah both shot me “hm-I-think-ya-like-him” looks.Then Sarah scooted over and so did I and Kian sat down by me. “Jessica.. don’t you want to sit by me?” Shane asked pouting. “Of course,” she said smiling. Then she moved to where Shane was on the couch. “Sarah..” Bryan started. “This is like follow the leader,” I whispered to Kian as Sarah moved over by Bryan. “And now we are stuck on the floor..” “hehe.. yeah, we are, but come here.” He pulled me into his arms and then I wasn’t so uncomfortable. (actually I wasn’t at all..) “Thanks,” I said with a laugh. We stared into each other’s eyes for a second and then I turned away and watched the movie. I fell asleep in the middle of the movie in Kian’s arms. I never had slept so perfectly. I woke up and looked around. I guess I had forgotten where I’d fallen asleep (I dont know how I could’ve forgotten that..) Jessica and Shane were lying on the couch with their arms around each other and Sarah and Bryan were nowhere to be seen. (haha if I didnt know Sarah so well I wouldve jumped to conclusions.) I was still in Kian’s arms like I had been last night. “Morning,” Sarah said coming up from behind me. “You scared the hell out of me, Sar!” I exclaimed quietly. “Soz,” she said. “You two are so adorable.” “It’s not what you think,” I told her. She shrugged. “What do I think?” she asked. “I think that you actually really do like him, but you just don’t want to say something about it. I know you, my bessie mate. I know how you think. And so does Jessica, by the way. You just can’t fool either of us.” I rolled my eyes. “Hmm is that so?” I slid out of Kian’s arms. “Ey where are you going?” he asked. I jumped startled. “How long have you been awake?” I asked. “Not too long,” he said with a smile on his face. “How long is not too long?” I asked. He shrugged and then hugged me. “Good mornin Ash.” I laughed. “You are so weird.” “Thanks,” he said with a smile. Sarah nudged me and then rolled her eyes. “So..” I said. “Are you going anywhere today?” I looked at Kian. “Naaawww..” Kian said with a grin. “We are.” “We?” I asked. “As in, we, everyone or we me and you?” “We.. me and you.. and then we can met up with the other we.” “Um.. okay,” I said with a laugh. “Hey Kian, tell everyone that I took Sarah sight seeing,” Bryan said. OOps I had forgotten about Sarah. “Okay,” Kian said. “I might not be here when everyone is up.. so they’ll just have to figure it out.” Bryan shrugged and then took Sarah’s hand and they walked out. “They’re cute,” I said after a second. “Yeah, they are,” Kian agreed. “But not as cute as you and me,” he added cheekily. Together? I wondered. “So where are we going?” I asked him. “I have no clue,” Kian admitted. “Wherever our hearts lead us.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Quit giving me that look, Ash. I know I’m weird, don’t tell me again.” “Okay,” I said with a shrug. “Okay I guess I’ll wake up Shane and tell him we’re going,” Kian said standing up. “Hey Shane. Shane. SHANE!” Shane jumped and woke up and so did Jessica. “What? What’s wrong?” “Ash and I are going out for a while. And Bryan took Sarah to see the sights.” “Okay,” Shane said. Then he groaned. “Did you have to wake me up to tell me that?” “Let’s just get up now, too,” Jessica said smiling at Shane. “See ya later,” Kian called. “Bye,” I said. Then we walked out and let “our hearts lead us.” We ended up being led to a beautiful place by the ocean. It was like a dream, or at least the beauty was. Never had I seen anything this beautiful. The ocean was clear blue and the sand was white and soft. Right above all the sand was grass and then a big tree which had a swing hanging down from a big branch. It might not sound that beautiful, but it really was. “So..” Kian said looking at me. “So..” I said with a laugh. “want to swing?” he asked. I smiled and then got on the swing. He pushed me and I laughed. I felt like a little kid all over again. After swinging for a while, Kian and I walked down to the beach and sat in the soft sand. “So.. tell me about yourself, Ashley,” Kian said flashing me a smile. “Well.. let’s see.. I grew up in Arizona, but me and Jess and Sar go to the University of Santa Barbra in Cali. Jess and I are majoring in.. um.. whatever we’re majoring in.. we’re going to be buyers. And Sarah is acting. Anyway, I have two older brothers.. unfortunately.. and.. that’s all.” “That’s all?” he asked with a smile. “When were you born? What’s your favorite color and movie?” “January 31 1981, I don’t really have one, but probably blue or green or orange and.. um.. I dont have a favorite movie either.” I laughed. “Tell me about yourself Mr. Egan.” “Okay..I’m a hopeless romantic.. haha.. and I have 3 brothers and 3 sisters.. I was born in Sligo, Ireland on April 29 1980. I went to Summer Hill College.. my fave movie is Titanic. And my fave song is Baby one more time.. and.. my rule to live by is treat others the way you want to be treated.” I stared at him for a second and then burst into laughter. “Okie dokie.” We talked for hours about everything. We shared laughs, and even a few tears. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that much about myself. Until now. It was dark by the time Kian and I started walking back to the house. We walked hand in hand and I tried to sort out my feelings. Okay.. so I was in love with him. Yeah. But then.. then, there, at the beach, I had found one of the best friends in the world. I couldn’t ruin that could I? I never came up with an answer to that either. Kian and I walked into the house. Everyone looked at us surprised. “Where have you two been?” Nicky asked. Everyone had their own thoughts and no one would believe us if we said anything, so we just shrugged. “Around,” Kian said. “Around?” Mark mumbled. “Nice cover up.” I rolled my eyes and Kian shook his head. “Hey.. Kian you do know we’re leaving tomorrow, don’t you?” Shane asked suddenly. “Oh.. yeah,” Kian said suddenly sounding sad. “Right.” I almost burst into tears. Kian was leaving me? I had known him for a day and still I felt like I was losing my best friend.. was I? Part 2 If I Let You Go Funny how things end up, huh? “Jessica is coming with me and Sarah is coming with Bryan, so if you want Ashley to come..” Shane told Kian softly. They were talking in the other room and I was eavesdropping. (bad me! I know) “I might ask her,” Kian said. He looked at Shane. “I dunno.. I mean..” he sighed. “I just don’t know.” Something told me I shouldn’t have eavesdropped. I didn’t want to hear this. He didn’t like me? Even a bit? But.. Now more than before, the tears were welling up and I felt like I was going to burst. Another case of unrequited love, I thought miserably. “Hey, Ash,” Kian called. My ears perked up. “Yeah?” “Um.. so... I was wondering.. do you want to come on tour with us? I mean.. just as friends. Just because I’m asking you.. it doesn’t mean we are boyfriend and girlfriend,” Kian said. “Yeah, sure,” I said forcing a smile. “We should probably go back to Sarah’s grandmas to get our stuff,” I added. “Yeah, I figured. I’ll see ya tomorrow, love,” he said kissing me on the cheek and then giving me a hug. Haha. Lovely lovely lovely. My heart shattered then and there and I swear everyone could hear it break and fall to the ground. He doesn’t like me. Maybe he likes me, but not like that. Not like.. how I love him. I sighed. “We have to go back to your grandma’s Sar,” I said coming into the room. “Okay,” Sarah said. “Jessica is staying with Shane..we’re going to get her stuff all ready.” I nodded. “Bye all, see ya tomorrow.” “Bye,” everyone else said. I smiled at Jessica who was sitting in Shane’s lap and looked happier than I’d ever seen her. Then I saw Bryan kiss Sarah good bye. Kian just waved at me. I turned and started walking out. When I got out, I burst into tears. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t move. “Ash?” Sarah asked running to my side. “Are you okay?” “Yeah, perfect,” I said wiping away my tears. “Ash.. tell me what’s wrong,” she ordered. “Everything,” I cried. “Kian doesn’t love me..” I whined. “And.. you and Jess have Bryan and Shane.. and..” “Ash,” Sarah said quietly. “Kian..” “Doesn’t love me Sar. I know I’ve only known him for a day, but I love him so much it hurts. (I came to that conclusion then.) And don’t say I don’t know him or anything about him coz I do. I talked to him all day today.I told him everything about me. More than I have ever told you or Jess or even my mom. And I LOVE HIM! And he doesn’t love me!” “Ash, I dont know if he loves you or not.. but I think he likes you a lot. And maybe if you don’t go out, you’ll get another best friend. Sometimes that’s better.” I shook my head and the tears fell down some more. Maybe, but not this time. Not when you love someone this much. Soon enough, it was the next day. At 5, Bryan came up to the door to get us and then Kian hopped out to help us with our bags. He smiled at me and I smiled back, but I wondered, do I really want to do this? “Hey,” Kian said after we sat down on a couch in the back of the bus. “Hey,” I replied. I wished the feeling I was feeling would just fade away. But it wouldn’t. I kept thinking it would be easier if I didn’t love Kian. Or if I didn’t know he didn’t love me back. “You look tired. Are you tired?” I nodded. Honestly, I hadn’t gotten any sleep. I stayed up all night just thinking. He laid down and then pulled me down. He kissed my forehead. “Go to sleep my little one,” he whispered into my hair. And then I fell asleep, once again in Kian’s arms. “Ashley, wake up,” Kian whispered. I opened my eyes and looked around. Everyone was gone, other than Kian and I. “How long have we been in here?” “20 minutes or so,” Kian said with a shrug. I stretched my arms. “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?” “You looked peaceful..” Yep, maybe that’s because I was in the guy I loved’s arms. Maybe it was because I was dreaming about him. “Oh, well..” I looked around the bus and then grabbed my bag. “Let’s go to the hotel.” Kian and I walked silently to the hotel and then we went our separate ways to our rooms. I sighed and threw myself on my bed. Maybe, I thought. Maybe I should just make myself not love him. Maybe I should.. I shook my head. I was being an idiot. A hopeless idiot.. a hopeless idiot who was in love. “I have to let him go,” I muttered to myself. “I can’t keep doing this. I mean.. if after like 2 days I’m like this, I’ll be much worse after.. 3 months. So I just.. have to let go. Make this feeling go away..” “If I let you go, I will never know.. what my life would be holding you close to me. Will I ever see you smiling back at me? How will I know.. if I let you go.” The music blasted from the room adjoined to mine. I guessed it was Sarah’s or Jessica’s. I knocked on the door. “Ello,” Sarah said opening the door. “Sar.. please.. turn it down or change the song,” I begged. “Once again I’m thinking about.. taking the easy way out..” Like if I just let Kian go and ignored my feelings... this song was making me think way too much. “PLEASE!” “Okay, okay,” she said changing the song to ‘Fool Again.’ “Happy?” “No but it’ll do.” “Did Kian tell ya that we’re going out to dinner tonight to some.. fancy resturaunt here?” Sarah asked. “Nope he never told me,” I said. “Well... we’re going to some fancy restuaraunt for dinner,” she said. “Thanks for the info, but maybe there was a reason why I didn’t know about this dinner, like I wasn’t invited.” I was more depressed than ever now. “Ash..” Sarah shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I bet you anything Kian will be over any second to ask you to come with him.” “Right,” I said. “See ya Sar.” I closed the door and then sat back down on the bed. Tears welled up in my eyes and starting falling one by one. knock knock. I sighed and got up, but didn’t bother wiping my tears. I figured it would be Jessica or Sarah. “Ash? Are you okay? Have you been crying?” Kian asked after I opened the door. Fantastic, I thought. “Yeah.. I’m fine,” I said quietly. “I just..” I looked at him and made the mistake of looking into his eyes. Damn him. Damn his eyes. My heart started going wild and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. Then slowly our lips inched closer.. closer.. closer.. Kian pulled away before our lips touched. I just stood there, looking at him. I felt my heart ache. “So.. anyway, I came here to ask you if you wanted to go with me to dinner.. it’s a big.. group thing..” “Sure,” I said my voice shaky. I’m going to cry, I thought. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Kian asked looking at me carefully. “If something’s wrong.. Ash, you can tell me anything. You know that right?” “Yeah, thanks Kian,” I said. Right and what would you say if I told you what I really feel about you, Ki? He smiled at me and then kissed my forehead. “No prob. I’ll see ya... at 7?” “Seven’s great,” I said. I smiled at him before closing the door. Then I calmed myself down and kept the tears in. I couldn’t do this. I really couldn’t. I couldn’t go through all of this pain.. I couldn’t do that to myself. “I will not love Kian like that anymore,” I commanded myself looking into the mirror. “I will not love Kian the way I do.” I tried to look brave, but the girl looking back at me looked scared. “I will not be able to do this. I will not be able to make myself fall out of love for Kian. I need him.” Part 3 I Need You I looked at myself in the mirror nervously. I had a long orange tube dress on and my sun bleached shoulder lenght hair was down and curly. I don’t know why I was nervous, maybe it was just the thought of seeing Kian again. Maybe I thought I’d make a fool of myself somehow, I don’t really know. There was a knock on the door. I smoothed out my dress and then opened the door. “Wow.. you look great,” Kian said smiling at me. “Thanks,” I said. “So do you.” He had a dress shirt on and dress pants.. believe me, he looked HOT! “Thanks,” he said. He held out his hand and I took it. We walked to the lobby to meet the others. “Finally,” Nicky said dramatically. “Everyone looks great,” I said ignoring Nicky. “Thanks. So do you, Ash,” Sarah said. “And Kian.. you look good too.” “Why, of course I do,” he said jokingly. “Are we going to leave soon?” Mark asked impatiently. “Patience, patience,” Shane said with a laugh. “The place is down the street, so we can walk,” he added. “Great and maybe we can get trampled by fans, too,” Bryan said. Shane shook his head. “Naw we’ll be okay.” He took Jessica’s hand and then we all walked to the restaurant. We got seated and then we started talking. I stayed quiet and listened to everyone’s stories. “And so..” Kian was saying. I watched him talk and I saw the way his face lit up when he smiled. How his eyes glowed. How could I feel so much for someone I’d only known for two days? How is that possible? “Kian? Is that you?” a female voice squealed from behind us. “Mandy?” Kian asked. His face lit up like he was a little kid who had just gotten a new pet. “It’s been so long!” He stood up and hugged her tight. “I missed you so much!” “Oh, Kian.. why didn’t you call..?” I stopped listening then. I swear my heart just kind of stopped right then. I felt sick and I knew I needed to get out. If I didn’t I would burst into tears right then and there. “I.. um.. I’ll be right back, I need to get some fresh air,” I said trying to keep my voice steady. Kian didn’t even notice. He was too busy hugging whoever that girl was. I walked quickly out of the restuarant and then when I was a safe distance away, I started crying. I cried so hard I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for air and then when I finally got my breath, I cried some more. Suddenly I knew why Kian had been so friendly. Why he wanted to be just friends. All of that. He was in love. He was in love with someone else. Not me. The thought was like a knife in my heart. I knew before that Kian probably didn’t share my feelings, but now I knew for sure. He didn’t love me. “Ashley? Are you okay?” a voice asked. I didn’t look up or even invite the person to sit down, they just did. “What’s wrong?” I looked up for a second to see Nicky sitting down beside me. He was peering at me concerned. I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it. “It’s Kian, huh?” he asked softly. I nodded numbly. “I’m sorry,” he said looking at me. His blue green eyes were full of so much concern that I just started crying all over again. He put his arms around me and rocked me back and forth, saying soothing things. He didn’t ask me to tell him what’s wrong, and maybe it was because he already knew. Maybe it was because he was a gentleman. I don’t really know. But he never asked. He just held onto me. He understood. After forever, I stopped crying. I was drained in every way possible; emotionally, physically, mentally. I didn’t want to go back into that restaurant, but I’d be giving myself away if I didn’t. Kian was probably too blind to see what I really felt for him, anyway. “You okay?” Nicky asked tipping my head up. “Yeah, I’m fine..” I started. I looked into his eyes and then fell into an ocean. Nicky’s lips found mine and we kissed a sweet, warm, kiss. I kissed harder, kind of disappointed. I wanted the kiss to be so strong, so full of love, that I could get over Kian. Nothing happened though. There were no sparks. We pulled away. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that..” Nicky said not looking at me. “I mean.. Georgina...” Now I felt even more terrible, ashamed, and embarresed at the same time. I sighed. “It’s not only your fault, Nicky. Can we.. just go back inside, please?” He nodded and then held out his hand to help me up. “Hey, you sure you’re okay?” I nodded. “I’m better, thanks.” Nicky and I went back into the restaurant and then back to the table. Of course, I was dumb enough to forget that I had been crying and it probably showed. But then again, I really didn’t care at that point. “Ash, have you been crying?” Jessica asked looking at me carefully. I shook my head. I didn’t even look at Kian, though I could feel his eyes on me. The chick was gone and he had been talking to Mark about something. Now he was staring at me. I could feel it. I felt like crying all over again. What did I do to deserve this?? I mean, didn’t Kian lead me on? Or was I just imagining it? I really didn’t know, I was too mixed up to even start to think. “Ash, are you okay? You look kinda pale,” Sarah said. “Actually, I’m not feeling too good, I think I’ll go back to the hotel,” I said. There. Then I could get away from him. “I’ll go with you,” Kian said. “No, I’ll be fine,” I said. “It’s only like 2 blocks..” “Ireland isn’t very safe at night,” he said. “I’ll take you.” “But..” “Ash, quit it,” Kian said. “I’ll take you.” Tears were welling up in my eyes again. “Fine, whatever,” I said starting to walk off. “Ashley, what is with you?” Kian asked looking at me. “What do you mean what is with me, Kian?” I asked. “I mean what is with you.. you’re all emotional..” “Kian, first of all, you don’t even know me! Maybe this is how I always am. Maybe this is me,” I said shooting him a look. “No, it’s not,” he said quietly. “I spent the whole day talking to you yesterday Ash, and half of the night before. Do you think I just took in what you told me? I mean I did, but I got an idea of who you really are. Ash, I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. I feel like I could talk to you about anything. But right now.. I don’t know. This isn’t you though.” “No,” I said brushing a stray tear away. “You’re right.” I shook my head. “I..” I love you Kian, I need you. That’s why I’m like this. “I’m just really moody tonight. I don’t know why.. it’s just been a bad day.” “I’m sorry,” Kian said softly. “Me too,” I said. “And to make matters worse,” I added as we stepped into the hotel. “I love this guy. And he doesn’t love me back. I mean.. maybe as a friend.. but I love him so much it hurts. Do you know how that feels? To love someone that much?” He looked out into the distance. “Yeah, yeah, I do,” he said after a second. The elevator beeped and then the door opened. “But don’t worry, Ash. You’ll find someone who loves you as much as you love.. whoever the person is. And you’ll be happy with them.” I started crying softly then and there and Kian wrapped his arms around me. If only you knew, Kian, I thought. If only you knew. “I’m sorry,” I whispered wiping my tears away. “I just..” I shook my head. “Lost control for a second.” “It’s okay,” he said giving me a sweet smile. I opened the door of my hotel room. “Hey Ash,” Kian said before I went inside. “Yeah?” “Good luck on finding that perfect person.” “Yeah, thanks,” I said nodding. I closed the door and then leaned against it. “I already did,” I said sadly. I had this urge to run after him and yell. “KIAN, WAIT! I NEED YOU! I LOVE YOU!” But I’m a coward, so I just stood against the door, thinking about what might’ve been. Part 4 Until The End Of Time “Until the end of time I'm longing for you And if you feel the same Then show me your love I'll give you everything that money can't buy And I'll promise I'll be right by your side I imagine being wrapped up in your arms And feeling your heart beat And I find myself longing to hold you close It's how I feel 'Cause I've been through a lot these years And I have lost the count of my tears” Three months later and we were still with Westlife. Friends forever. Jessica and Shane are a total item and so are Bryan and Sarah. Me and Kian are me and Kian. We are we. Well.. we are friends. That’s all I’ll say. Did I want more? Had my feelings changed? Well.. yes and no. I wanted to be more than friends. I wanted Kian to feel the way I felt. And I still felt exactly the same. I sighed and listened to the guys harmonize. Until the end of time, I’m longing for you.. “Wait, wait, wait!” Someone yelled from the back. “Guys..” I watched the guys groan and complain. I felt myself tear up some. I was leaving. I was doing it for my own good, to get over Kian for good. And yes, maybe we were friends, but believe me.. you don’t know how hard it is to make the friendship work when you love someone with all your heart. Had I told Kian yet? No. “Hey Ash,” Kian said wiping sweat off his forehead. “I got us a break!” “That’s good,” I said forcing a smile. “Ash, are you okay?” I glanced at him. “Kian.. I’m leaving tomorrow.” “What?” he exclaimed. “Ash, WHY?” “Because Kian, I need to go, I need to get on with my life,” I said softly. “What the hell do you mean?” “I mean just what I said, Ki. I need to get on with my life,” I looked at him. His expression was somewhere between hurt, confused, and just plain pissed off. “I don’t understand.” “What’s there to understand?” I asked not looking at him. “I’m going back to Cali. I’m going to go back to college.” “But.. what about everything here? Jessica and Sarah? Me?” I bit my lip. “I’ll miss ya, Ki.” I got up and started walking away. “So this is it? You’re leaving like this, for no reason at all?” he asked. “I have a reason.” “What is it then?” he asked. “What is the reason that you are going to leave all of your friends behind?” I didn’t look at him and I didn’t say anything for a second. I started crying and immediately Kian was by my side. “What? What is it? Did something happen? Did someone die?” I shook my head and sniffled. “No, it’s this. Everything.” I looked at the ground for a second. “You know that person, ya know the one I love and doesn’t love me back?” Kian nodded. “Well let’s just say I’m not over him. And he has a girlfriend and everything. I’m his friend and all, but it hurts so much to know that I’m not loved back. And.. I just can’t take it.” “This is what it’s all about? Some guy?” Kian asked sounding mad. “You are going to leave everything because of some stupid guy? Who is it?” I didn’t answer. “It’s Nicky, isn’t it?” I shook my head and tears streamed down my face. “No, Kian. It’s the most obvious person. The person who’s standing right here, right now.” I watched his expression go from angry to just plain confused. “Good bye, Kian. I’ll see ya later.” And then I turned and left without saying another word. “You better cal l, Ash,” Jessica sniffled. “And write.. all of that.” “Yeah you have to call us every day,” Sarah said. I wiped my tears. “I will,” I whispered. “I love you guys.” I said crying some more. “God I’m tired of crying.” I laughed. “You don’t have to go, ya know,” Sarah said. “I mean maybe..” I shook my head. “It’s not healthy to love someone like this. It’ll be better if I go back to Cali, get on with things and find someone new.” I looked around at everyone there. “Of course I do wish I could say good bye to him.” Everyone was there except for Kian. “Well.. we’ll tell him you said good bye,” Jessica said giving me a sympathetic look. “Thanks,” I said. “I’m sorry,” she whispered hugging me again. “Me too.” “Flight 2134 to Santa Barbra now boarding seats 1-15,” the lady over the intercom said. I looked at my friends. “That’s me.” I gave everyone a hug. “Bye.” “Bye, Ash. WRITE! CALL!” Jessica and Sarah yelled. I waved at them and wished that Kian would just suddenly appear out of nowhere. I sighed and turned back around. “ASHLEY!” I turned at the sound of Kian’s voice. Then I just stopped. “Don’t go,” Kian begged. I looked at him. Be brave, Ash. And don’t look into his eyes, I told myself. “Give me one reason why I shouldn’t go,” I said. “And I won’t.” He looked at me. I swore that I saw a tear go down his cheek. “Please, Ash.. just..” “One reason, Kian. And a good reason. Why shouldn’t I go back to California and get on with my life.” He looked at me. “I.. I.. I..” then he looked away. “I can’t.” “Then good bye, Kian,” I said softly. I turned around and walked into the plane. I sat down in my seat and stared out the window. I didn’t cry, I didn’t even think. I subconsiously took my cd player out and pressed play. “Until the end of time I'm longing for you And if you feel the same Then show me your love I'll give you everything that money can't buy And I'll promise I'll be right by your side I imagine being wrapped up in your arms And feeling your heart beat And I find myself longing to hold you close It's how I feel 'Cause I've been through a lot these years And I have lost the count of my tears..” I fell asleep within moments. I kept waking up and getting restless. I was making a terrible mistake, I knew it. Riiiiiiing. “Bonjour,” I said. “Bonjour Ashley,” a familiar voice said. “JESSICA!” I yelled. “And Sarah,” Sarah added. “I have the other extension.” “Hiiiii you guys.” “You’re a bitch,” Jessica said. “WHAT?” I asked. “You said you’d call and you haven’t called us in a month!” she whined. I laughed. “Soz. How are Bryan and Shane? Either of you engaged?” “Bryan is good,” Sarah said. “He’s so sweet.” “And Shane is gggggrrrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaatttttt if you know what I mean,” Jessica said. “I wish I didn’t,” I said with a laugh. “So what’s new? How is Nicky? And Mark?” “Nicky’s fine. Mark’s the same,” Sarah said. “Kian’s terrible.” Jessica added. Kian. To be honest, I was terrible too. I’d came back to California to get away from him, but I couldn’t. He was with me, in my head, my heart, my dreams. Everywhere. “Oh, that’s too bad,” I said. “Don’t be so dumb!” Sarah said. “The guy loves you, Ash.” “Right, don’t make me laugh,” I muttered. “When you got on that plane a month ago, Kian looked like he was going to cry. And he went over to Shane and said, ‘I lost her, man. I am such a fool. I just lost the girl I loved.’” “You’re kidding,” I said. “No, she’s not,” Sarah said. “She’s telling the truth.” I sighed. But how could it be? He didn’t love me! He loved Mandy! Not me. I was his friend. Nothing more. “You guys, I have to go,” I said after a second. “I have a big test tomorrow and I need to study for it..” “Okay,” Jessica said. “You better call us.” “I will,” I said softly. “Bye.” “Bye,” they echoed. I hung up the phone and sat looking out my window. He didn’t love me. They didn’t know what they were talking about. I let out a sigh and then laid down and forced myself to fall asleep. All I could think about was Kian. Part 5 Miss You “The.. what over what?” I looked at my math book. It was like I was reading another language. And I had a final over this other languaged the next day. I popped my cd into my cd player. “Goodbye my trusted friend..” I sighed and listened to the music for a second. I looked at the math again. Ohhhh this was way to stressful. There was a knock on my door. “Who would come over at 1:30 in the morning?” I asked myself. I opened the door. “Need help studying?” Jessica asked. “WHAT THE HELL?” I screeched. I looked behind her. Shane, Sarah, and Bryan were standing there innocently. “How? Why..? How did you..?” “Get over here from Ireland so quickly?” Jessica asked. Supposedly they called from Ireland an hour ago. I nodded. “Well..” Sarah looked at Jessica. “We weren’t in Ireland. We were at Jessica’s parents house.” “Why did you guys do this?” I asked opening the door so they could come in. “Oh.. well.. we missed ya,” Shane said grinning at her. “And the girls wanted to see ya,” Bryan added. “You look like you need help,” Sarah pointed at my messy desk. “And we have a present for you,” Jessica said. “A present? Where?” “Go to the beach,” Shane told me. “What?” I asked. Had they gone crazy. “Now? Like this, in my skimpy little pajamas?” (a tight spaghetti strapped shirt and boxer shorts.) “Sure,” Jessica said exchanging a look with the others. “You guys..” “Go! Now!” Sarah said pushing me out of my room. “What..?” The door was slammed in my face. “Thhhhhaaanks.” I mumbled. I decided I might as well go down to the beach. I walked the few streets I had to and then walked onto the beach. “Hello?” I called. “Hellloo..” Had they tricked me? “I can’t sleep, I just can’t breathe. When your shadow is all over me..” it came closer until Kian was right in front of me. “KIAN?” I asked. He put his finger to my lips and continued singing. “Baby. Don’t wanna be a fool in your eyes, coz what we had was built on lies. And when our love seems to fade away, listen to me hear what I say.” He took my hand. “I don’t want to feel the way that I do, I just want to be right here with you. I don’t want to see, see us apart. I just wanna say it straight from my heart.. I miss you.” He looked at me for a second and didn’t say anything. “When you left.. it was like someone ripped my heart out.. not a good feeling. I felt like I lost you. And I miss you, Ash. I miss you so much.” He looked into my eyes. “I was a fool to not be able to see what you felt for me. But I love you. And I have since I asked you to dance.” “W-what?” I stuttered. “I thought you had a thang for Nicky,” he told me. “WHY?” I asked laughing. “No offense, but..” I shook my head. “I loved you and I thought that you didn’t love me back..” I laughed. I looked at him and got lost in his eyes. Then he kissed me and I felt that power. I needed him. I needed to be with him. And I loved him soo much. Even more than I did before. “I love you,” he whispered after we pulled apart. “And I love you,” I whispered back. We kissed again and again and again.. and silently made a promise to never let go. Part 6 Swear It Again It was a month later. The guys had a break, and Kian and I were spending the day at the beach. Kian had his arms wrapped around me and he had his head on my shoulder. He was humming softly in my ear. “What are you humming, Ki?” I asked turning my head a bit. “I’m never gunna say good bye, coz I never wanna see you cry. I swore to you my love would remain and I swear it all over again..” I smiled and brushed my lips against his. “I love you.” “I love me too,” he said laughing. I slapped him. “Owww.. I’m just joking,” he said rubbing his arm. “I love you, too.” “Kian?” I said softly. “Yeah?” “Do you promise you’ll always hold me like this and always kiss me the way you do.” “I swear to you my love... and my kisses and.. whatever will remain.. and I swear it all over again,” he said solemly. “Good,” I said smiling. Kian pulled me closer and then kissed the crown of my head. I can’t explain exactly how much I love him, but I know I love him more than anything else. (*you can even say I’m flying without wings.. haha*) And if you ever find someone you love that much, never let go. Take my advice. Because if I’d let Kian go, my life would be empty. And also, love does conquer all. |